The Tale of the Fantastical Sannin
by AngryOwl
Summary: Three legendary ninja, born in war, raised in battle and comforted in vice. Separated as early adults, there is finally something that will bring them together once more. If only that certain something knew the chaos that was about to unfold because of him.
1. Chapter 1

The Land of Sound is minuscule in comparison to massive landforms like the Land of Earth and the Land of Wind. Almost half of it was covered in sprawling fields filled with rice paddies. A good chunk of it was occupied by the Hidden Sound Village and its surrounding properties. The rest still remained victim to nature, being covered in a thick, vast jungle. All in all, the country didn't provide very much surface space for a certain former Konoha ninja to stay hidden from her numerous injuries.

Though, even with this fact, if one searched hard enough for Orochimaru in the Land of Sound, they wouldn't be able to gain a single scent of the woman. No trace of her could be found within the village she created, the farms she subjugated or the jungles she left untouched. She, for all purposes, had disappeared from off the map. Her scent was untraceable.

They would never be able to find her because they didn't think like her. Ever since her childhood, Orochimaru had been described as having the mindset of a snake. This only seemed to apply more and more to her as she grew up. One thing that snakes were good at was hiding. They did not hide on the surface or up in the trees. They hid beneath in the earth.

The tunnel system was extensive, much more than anything she had been able to produce in the Land of Fire. The labs and bases she had back then could be considered play sets in comparison to her current home. Miles of tunnels, dozens upon dozens of rooms and hundreds of ninja underneath her command. With patience, a small application of her genius and intimidation, she had managed to build herself a small underground kingdom.

Deep in the center of the base sat her room. It stood in the center for a defensive and symbolic reason. Defensively, there was no direct way to reach her. To get to her chambers, one would have to make their way through the labyrinth of the base and fend off the ninjas guarding its halls. Symbolically, its position stood as a reminder to every ninja under her command. She was the center of their little world. She was the heart of their kingdom.

"Let that never be forgotten." Her voice came out distorted and hoarse. She wasn't worried by the sound, though. It was a byproduct of her body exchange technique. Her soul and chakra simply needed more time to accept her current body.

The body that she had once inhabited laid rotting at her feet. Its decay did not bother her either. It was an expected outcome. With her chakra no longer keeping the flesh intact, the body had begun to break down rapidly. It's once tan skin had turned pale. Her beautiful black hair laid in clumps at her feet. Her scarlet eyes were now milky and dull.

"Such beauty can never be everlasting." Orochimaru released a wistful sigh at the thought before looking down at her current body. She had foregone putting clothes on, finding them more as a discomfort than anything else at the moment. Her skin needed to breathe now after what she had just put it through.

Underneath the low light flitting in the room, her tanned skin looked nearly brown. The curves of her body were hidden in the shadow. The small arc of her breasts could just barely be made out from within the room. Her dark hair, once long and flowing, had been cut short, barely being able to fall down to her shoulders. Unlike her former teammate, long strands of hair were not by any means a positive. It was just another surface for her opponent to strike at her with.

Her thighs gave just the faintest hints of muscle beneath their smooth surface. During the previous host' capture, she had been sure to keep the woman well-fed and exercised. She wanted to inherit a body, not a burden. Starvation and torture would have done her no good.

Her stomach rippled with the beginnings of a defined set of abdominal muscles. Each movement forced the tiny remnants of fat away, exposing the muscles underneath. Every once in awhile, her hand would trail down its surface. The feel of the muscle brought no small amount of enjoyment to her. Whenever boredom struck her, her hand would even dare to dip lower, far past her stomach to the valley in between her leg. Her thoughts would be centered around the blond vagabond as she _explored_ her new pleasure she got from that far surpassed anything she felt before.

The woman was in the process of exploring the crevices of her lower body when a knock echoed through her chamber. Her hand stopped in its ministrations with a sense of unbidden reluctance. Her face screamed of unfulfillment and disappointment as she retracted her hand from the folds of her body. She raised it up to her mouth before allowing one of her digits to push past her pale lips. She found herself pleasantly surprised by the taste. She had never deemed it necessary to experiment in such a way with her original body. She wished she had never come to such a conclusion.

" _Childhood ignorance_." The snake sannin thought to herself as she rose up to her feet. She was happy to find that her ascent was much steadier than it had been before. The adoption process for this body was going smoothly.

"You may enter." Elation entered up once more at the now sweet sound of her voice. The compatibility between her soul and this body was tremendous. She had made the right choice in terms of this vessel.

Moments after she gave the command, the door to her chambers opened. In came stepping one of her most loyal ninja. Despite her youth, the girl had managed to impress multiple times over. Her operations would have been exponentially more difficult if it wasn't for the assistance of one Kabuto Yakushi.

"Orochimaru-Sama." Kabuto bowed her head while the door closed behind him. A subtle nod from the older female made her raise her head once more.

"Naruto Uzumaki has arrived back in Konoha." Usually, Kabuto would not be able to get a good read off of her master's emotions. Orochimaru was an enigma, a mystery that even she hadn't been able to fully decipher. The woman usually had such a tight lock and control over her emotional state that reading her became a personal challenge for the young ninja.

This interaction was a clear exception. The woman made no clear effort to stop the look of surprise from crossing her face. She seemed to put forth even less effort in stopping the nearly euphoric look that occupied her face afterward. Kabuto watched as her master's breathing grew heavy and her tan cheeks turned red while a deep chuckle left her lips. The young girl even felt a chill run down her spine when the woman allowed her long tongue to push pass her lips, giving her lips a long, sensual lick.

"The pervert has finally returned with my prize." Kabuto heard the woman say before rising up to her feet. The white-haired girl noticed that there was an energy within the woman that hadn't been present only hours before hand when she had completed the process of moving to a new body. The rapid rising and falling of her naked breasts demonstrated that energy clearly as the sannin stared directly into the eyes of her servant.

"Prepare yourself. We're going to Konoha."

* * *

"Really, Jiraiya?" Tsunade was currently not happy with her teammate. The deep scowl on her face made that very clear to the world around her.

"The kid wanted ramen. Who am I to deny him that pleasure?" Jiraiya shrugged her shoulders at this. During this action, Tsunade took note of the fact that had teammate had decided to go braless once more. The woman's breasts, while being nowhere as large as her own, were sizable in their own right. They attracted plenty of attention back in their younger days and still managed to do just that.

"You're his sensei. You're also one of my ninja. And, when I give you a direct order to bring him to my office as soon as you had arrived, I expect you to follow those orders." Despite the stern look on her teammate's face, Jiraiya casually waved away her words with his hand. The blonde's jaw clenched as she was then forced to watch the toad sannin flop down in the chair across her desk. Just like the rest of her personality, the way the woman sat was very un-ladylike. Her right arm rested across the back of her chair, half of her body was leaned off the seat and her legs were spread so wide that Tsunade could see the color of the woman's underwear.

She noted they were orange.

"Sounds like someone is a bit anxious to see our no longer not-so-little blond spitfire."

"Unlike you, I didn't get to see him every day for three years." Jiraiya's grin nearly split her face in two when she noticed that her teammate didn't deny her statement. She leaned forward in her seat with a mischievous glint in her eyes while she stared down her Hokage.

"What a sight it has been." Jiraiya cooed out and inwardly squealed when she caught sight of Tsunade's frown deepening.

She was going to have fun with this.

"I admit, the first two or three months were a bit of a slog. Melting away all that fat was a struggle, especially with the kid's obsession with ramen. But when it went, oh dear god, it went. Even pretty boy Minato couldn't compare." Jiraiya decided this way a good place to pause and fan herself. The overdramatic gesture made a vein pop on her teammate's neck. The blonde looked as if she was about to verbally snap on the white-haired woman but found herself interrupted once more.

"He is stacked in all the right places, Tsunade. His parents did all the right thing in the baby making process. And, I do mean _all_ the right things. There was a reason why I made sure to always have just enough money to get one hotel room for the both. Especially on the nights he thought I was passed out drunk. I can tell you that the boy isn't a quiet mastu-"

"Jiraiya!" The floodgates finally broke on the busty blonde as she stood from her chair and slammed her fists on her desk. The poor piece of wood stood no chance against the might of the angry sennin as it shattered into pieces, sending all of its content scattering onto the ground. On the other side of the wreckage, Jiraiya's face looked like a cherry as she tried her very best to hold in her laughter. The woman was doing a very poor job of it as numerous puffs of airs escaped past her lips.

"I swear to god if you did anything to hi-" That was all Tsunade managed to get out before Jiraiya let loose the laughter she was trying so desperately to hold in. The laughter didn't last for very long when Tsunade stepped over the wreckage of her desk and decided to show her teammate just how amusing she found her sense of humor.

Jiraiya didn't just go falling out of her chair. No, the woman was sent launching through the air with the chair exploding into splinters due to the force of her takeoff. Her silly grin managed to stay plastered on her lips, even when her limp body slammed soundly against the opposite wall, shaking the entirety of the room on impact. Tsunade watched her teammate spring right back up from the hit, almost as if she hadn't been punched by one of the strongest people within the hidden village.

"I see that you still haven't lost your touch." That patented cheeky smile that made the toad sennin so infuriating to her enemies was on full display as she spoke. Unlike her enemies, Tsunade had grown some immunity to the look. This allowed her to simply brush it off with an eye roll as she grabbed the Hokage's hat and cloak off the back of her chair.

"Shut your mouth and follow me."

"Ooo~ You can't wait? Are your loins burning that ba-" Tsunade's fist buried itself in the woman's face before she could finish speaking. Unlike before, when Jiraiya slammed into the wall, she kept going through the structure, leaving a human-sized hole in the Hokage's office. Tsunade sighed at the sight of the hole while her teammate's maddening laughter echoed through her mind.

"Shizune will get that fixed." That was Tsunade's last thought before she proceeded to leave the office for the day.

If everything went the way she wanted it to go, she wouldn't be returning until midday tomorrow. Hopefully, a lot more satisfied than she was right now.

* * *

Naruto Uzumaki was nervous.

It had all started when his sensei had quite literally come falling from the sky. He had been enjoying a reunion talk and a bowl of ramen with the Ichirukas when he felt the ground shake beneath him. He didn't have much time to question the anomaly before the woman came bursting through the shop's curtain, her patented grin that he had learned to fear on their trip present on her face.

That should've been his first sign to run. Like a fool, he had ignored it.

When she had done nothing but smile at him while he ate, he should've known something was up. But, unfortunately for him, the usual gut feeling he had relied on for so long had been suppressed as he shoveled noodles into his mouth.

What a fool he had been.

When Tsunade silently poked her head into the shop, Naruto didn't even notice. The only hint of her presence that he got was the slight widening of his sensei's grin. And, like before, he so unwisely chosen to ignore it.

"How did I not see this coming?" Naruto silently swore to himself as he tried his very best to keep eye contact with his Hokage. Before his trip with Jiraiya, he wouldn't have had a single issue doing this. But after living with the perverted woman for nearly three years, the blond's eyes couldn't help but betray him as they kept sliding down from the woman's eyes to her lips and eventually finding a home in the cleavage she had on display. The fact that the woman had her head leaned against her hand, revealing more of the swell of her breasts, made the situation just that much worse.

"You've grown up, brat. I'm glad you decided to ditch the jacket." Tsunade truly was glad for the decision if only for the reason that she got a much better view of the boy's upper body. The sleeves of his black t-shirt did wonders when it came to accentuating the coiled muscles of his arms. Every minute movement from the blond sent a ripple effect underneath the surface of his skin, inwardly causing the Hokage smile while praising her teammate on her fine job. It honestly felt wrong referring to the blond as a brat. Looking at him now and the structure of his well-defined body, she knew he was anything but that. She was glad to see that her fellow sennin hadn't sacrificed strength over speed. The physical effects were much more pleasing to her eyes.

"Yeah, Tsunade-san. Pervy-sensei sort of forced me into that decision." The blond released a chuckle at this, missing the shocked look on Tsunade's face. Even if he had been aware of her look, he probably wouldn't have been able to decipher its cause.

Tsunade, on the other hand, was entirely aware of her shock. She had good reason to be. All throughout their initial meeting, the blond had been adamant on referring to her as a 'grandmother'. No matter what she bribed him with, no matter how violent she got and no matter how much she pleaded, the brat had absolutely refused to break away from calling her such.

Now, he had actually called her by her name. It wasn't the respectful address she received from most the ninja under her command yet it was perfect for the Hokage. It, compounded with Naruto's changed appearance, made her do away with any regret concerning allowing her teammate to take the boy out of the village. A quick look over the boy's shoulder made it clear to her that Jiraiya realized the same thing. The pervert was basically beaming in her seat as she watched the interaction with an unhidden smugness.

She would allow the woman to have this victory.

She certainly did enjoy the fruit it bore.

"You still want to be Hokage?" Tsunade's question broke the temporary silence that had fallen over the trio. Inwardly, she laughed to herself as the teen's face brightened at her question.

This was going to be fun.

"Of course! I'm training for the day where you'll have no choice but to give me that hat and robe." In the past, his enthusiasm would've have bothered her to no end. His high-pitched voice and immature tendencies made him an absolute annoyance to be around. But now, with that deep voice, his toned body and the roar of confidence in his eyes, Tsunade wanted nothing more than to give the teen exactly what he wanted.

And, a little bit more, of course.

"So, am I right to assume you wouldn't be against me naming you my successor-in-training and start grooming you for the position?" Tsunade knew she was going out on a limb here. The decision she had just made would send waves through the political pool of Fire country. Outrage would ensue, her sanity would be put into question and her decision would surely face some type of appeal. Yet, she couldn't find much motivation to not do what she had just done. The last three years had been relatively boring for her and she needed some way to spice it up. With Naruto back in the village, she was positive there was no better way to be entertained than staying close to him.

"A-are you serious?" The stutter made her chuckle. The shocked look on her teammate's face made her laugh. Based purely on their reactions, she knew she had made the right decision.

"Of course. I heard a lot of good things from Jiraiya. You seem really enthusiastic about the job, so why not use that enthusiasm for good?" Oh, she would be using it for good. Just not the type of good the blond was thinking of.

Though, based on the glances he was sending her a couple of moments ago, he may be more on track with her line of thinking than she anticipated.

"Tsunade-Sama … of co-"

"Naruto!" Jiraiya's voice cut through the boy's acceptance. Both of the blonds' turned to face the woman and saw that she was giving her current apprentice a stern gaze.

"Go back to my hotel room and go get the scroll beneath my bed."

"Bu-"

"One more word and our next month of training will be nothing but naked water walking combat. Nothing but grappling." That comment shut the boy up instantly. He didn't allow another word to slip out of his mouth as he leaped from his stool and dashed out of the stand, leaving Jiraiya and Tsunade alone.

"Just what the hell do you think you're doing?" Jiraiya immediately rounded on her teammate with fire in her eyes. Tsunade raised a single eyebrow at the woman's animated words before rolling her eyes.

"I'm doing my part. You got him this far. It's time for me to take over." Jiraiya narrowed her eyes at this. It didn't take the use of any of her techniques for her to see through the thin veil of bullshit the blond had just put forth before her.

"Don't think I don't see what you're doing." Jiraiya all but hissed out at his teammate. She was quickly becoming annoyed with the blonde's antics and the aggravating smirk on the Hokage's face wasn't making her feel any better.

"I'm just grooming my successor. You know how much a pain paperw-" Tsunade didn't even flinch when Jiraiya slammed her fist down onto the counter in front of her, splintering the wood from the force of her blow. The twin pair of yelps that echoed from the back of the shop showed that Teuchi and Ayame hadn't been so prepared.

"Bullshit! You're trying to take him."

"Take him?" Tsunade questioned, silently enjoying the rage her words were managing to bring out of her fellow woman.

It really was the small things.

"I don't exactly see how I am taking him. You don't own him, Jiraiya."

"You think I spent three years molding him into a man for nothing? Do you know how hard the past two years have been? The control I've had to show each night with him sleeping in my room? The nights I had to do the job myself with a perfectly capable tool sitting only feet away from me. I'm not going to allow you to just throw all that away with a flash of your oversized fake tits and the Hokage title." It was Tsunade's turn to narrow her eyes. She had built up a pretty thick skin throughout her lifetime yet her breasts were always a sensitive subject for her.

"Watch yourself, perv. These breasts can do a lot of things your whole body couldn't accomplish."

"Want to bet that, oldie?

"You're damn right I d-"

"Hokage-Sama." Tsunade was the one to be interrupted, this time by one of her ANBU. Both of the sannin turned and saw a cat-masked individual standing only a few feet away from the bickering duo.

"Orochimaru has been spotted in the village." Those words managed to instantly squash any protests the two might have had with each other. It took only a shared look for a decision to be made between them. Their chemistry as teammates had been built from years of working together, arguing with one another and fighting by each other's side. Words were just an option for them when it came to matters of shared interests.

Cat had no time to react before both of the sannin blasted by her in a gust of wind and a flash of movement. She was left standing in the middle of the stand, thoroughly confused on where the two were headed.

She hadn't even told them where the sannin had been spotted.

* * *

He cursed himself. He cursed every single fiber of his being. He cursed the gods above for giving him such an overblown sense of charity. He cursed his inability to look past the facade of a lost child and her friend and see what truly laid beneath it. He cursed his blindness and his ignorance and everything around him.

Why'd it have to be him?

"You certainly have grown, Naruto. I adore what I am seeing." He held back a shiver at the sound of her voice. His name seemed to roll off her tongue with a practiced ease that made him unsettled. It was almost as if she had been practicing saying it to herself.

If only he knew how right he was. The situation would've seemed much worse to him then.

He shuffled a little under her gaze and felt the blade on the back of his neck grow closer, serving as a stark reminder of the woman behind him. She had remained silent during the entire interaction but had kept her presence well known by holding the blade to his neck.

"My praise for my teammate grows stronger with each passing day. She certainly knows how to groom them. I dare say she did an even better job with you than she did with Minato." Naruto kept his eyes locked on to the sannin's yellow ones. No matter how much the more primal side of his brain wanted his eyes to drift downward, he kept steady. The thin kimono wrapped around her shoulders did little to actually obscure her breasts from view. Her tan skin and visible curves enticed him to look downward to his doom.

"Come to give me one of those weird hickeys like you did Sasuke? Couldn't even wait a day or two for me to get settled in?" Naruto decided to retaliate in one of the ways he knew best, with his words. His time spent underneath Jiraiya had left him with a tongue as sharp as a blade and a mind capable of conjuring barbs within an instant. Right now, outright assaulting the woman was not a good idea. So, he would simply have to improvise until it became one.

"Oh no." The woman's laughter sent chills up his spine. It reeked of amusement but had an undertone of something else that left the boy on edge. Excitement? Anticipation? Lust? He couldn't tell but he knew he wouldn't be enjoying the answer.

"My curse seals are only fit for those I feel need greater empowerment and possibly want to inhabit later. You, my boy, fit neither of those qualities. Though, that does not mean I wish not to mark you. I simply wish to go about a different way."

Oh, that wasn't good. Her words didn't fill him with any sense of safety, only dread. The feeling only grew worse when he watched her regurgitate Kusanagi from her stomach. The blond was preparing to finally make his move to escape when he watched the sannin raise the blade up into the air. Any thoughts of running temporarily left his thoughts when he saw the sword cut vertically through the air and, instead of cutting through him, cut through the woman's own Kimono. The clothing was no match for the blade and fell from Orochimaru's body into two torn pieces, revealing to the world her entire body.

"Come forward and let me claim you as mine!" The glee in her voice was the final straw for the blond. When Kabuto attempted to push him from behind, the blond dropped down to his stomach. Before the young girl could react, the blond pushed upward and sent both of his legs kicking backward in the air at the woman. Both of his feet caught the woman in her chest and sent her flying backward out of sight.

Naruto was forced to roll away as Orochimaru descended upon him a moment later. The woman's blade cut into the earth next to him just as he sprung up to his feet. He sent a quick jab at what he thought was her unprotected cheek but was proved wrong when her tongue shot out and wrapped tightly around his wrist, stopping his punch in place.

"You're not getting away so easily." Even though her tongue was currently in use, Naruto could hear her words perfectly clear. He didn't have much time to contemplate them before he was suddenly pulled forward by the tongue. The move was so unexpected that Naruto found himself nearly defenseless when she latched onto his face with her hands once he came into range. Her tongue swiftly left his arm and, before he knew, he found the woman's lips slammed against his own.

He was shocked into immobility. His brain had no idea how to process the situation at hand. Out of all the possibilities, the woman kissing him had to be one of the lowest. His body nearly betrayed him and started to return the kiss, forcing him to bite down on his tongue.

Eventually, his brain caught back up to him and he pushed away from the woman with a violent jerk. The action did not come easy and left him with a red-faced and flustered Orochimaru.

"Why do you pull away? I can feel the lust on the tip of your tongue, waiting to burst forth." That reaction truly did shock the boy into silence. His mind was once again besieged by the woman's words and actions as he remained only inches from her.

"Huh?" That was all he could articulate at the moment.

"The shock has overtaken you. Allow me to free you from its grip." The woman's tongue slipped out of her mouth with a sensual flare as she moved forward to engulf his lips in yet another kiss. The kiss would never come to fruition, however, as two twin streaks of color flashed through the air and slammed into the Orochimaru, sending the woman flying away from the still entirely confused blond.

"Brat, when a woman is about to kiss you, you're supposed to slap them across the ass and say no thank you!" The sound of his sensei's voice managed to drag Naruto out of his confusion. The sight of the sannin stood next to her teammate turned Hokage was an unexpected but very much welcomed sight.

"Stop filling his head with trash and help me skin this snake's ass." Naruto blinked in shock at the sound of Tsunade's voice. He was used to hearing her be agitated since he had been the main cause of it for a while. But now, she sounded angry. He rarely ever heard true anger from her.

He vaguely noted that he oddly enjoyed the sound.

"Why must you two always ruin things for me? He was mine!" From the opposite side of the arena, Orochimaru had recovered from her flight and was now sending her teammates a heated glare. Her sword was tightly clutched in her hand while her naked chest heaved up and down in accordance with the anger she was feeling.

"He isn't yours!" Both Jiraiya and Tsunade found themselves saying the phrase at the same time. They paused for a moment then shared a look between themselves before looking back over at their rogue teammate.

"Not as of yet. I had planned on making it official later tonight in my chambers." Naruto could only blink as his mind processed the woman's words. Jiraiya and Tsunade's reaction were much different.

"I say whoever kills the bitch gets first shot at him." Naruto blinked again at his sensei's words. For some odd reason, he had a feeling that he was somehow involved in the offer she had just put forth.

"Deal. She has to die, though. No body doubles or clones." The two nodded their heads and confirmed the deal with a handshake. Naruto's confusion only grew when his sensei turned to face him and flashed him a smile while raising a single thumb up.

"Try to keep your eyes on the battle and not my ass. You'll see plenty of that later." Those were the woman's parting words to him before she turned to face Orochimaru. By this point, the woman had found it fit to summon several human-sized snakes to her side.

"You're dying today, Orochimaru."

"Not until I have my **_fill_** of the **_man_**."

And, with those words, they clashed.

* * *

 **AN: So, most of you saw this and are probably wondering where the hell did this come from and why does this exist? Well, here's an explanation: This is a Oneshot that has been commissioned by Rad Beoulve. He wanted a Fem Jiraiya/Fem Orochimaru/TsunadeX Naruto chapter and I tried my best to give it to him.**

 **Now, you'll probably see a couple more of these types of story in the future. As of right now, the continuation of this story is completely up to Rad. While the ending of this chapter is pretty ridiculous, I certainly can salvage it and make an actual fic out of it if necessary. I hope that he, along with everyone reading this, enjoyed it.**

 **If you want me to write one of your fanfic fantasies, feel free to PM me!**


	2. Chapter 2

There were rarely ever times that Naruto felt powerless, his overconfidence making sure of that. His time under Jiraiya further boosted his sense of self. Training under one of the most powerful ninja alive would do that to a person. All in all, Naruto nearly always felt confident.

A loud curse left his mouth as a hard tremor ran through the ground, forcing him off balance. He managed to right himself with the use of his arms. With his balance restored, he looked back up at the monstrous scene taking place before him.

Three creatures standing at dozens of stories tall looked over him and the rest of the village. On top of the creatures were a trio of bickering women.

"Oh no!" The blond shouted while diving to the ground beside him. Moments later, the tip of Gamabunta's blade buried itself in the place where he once stood.

" **Sorry brat** /Sorry brat!" The voice of the toad summoning boss and his sensei reached his ears while he scrambled back up to his feet. He was forced to duck his head down when the toad ripped the sword out of the ground, sending chunks of earth spraying toward him. Another cursed slipped out of his lips while he raised his head back up to watch the toad take a wide swing at a massive purple snake.

"I never took you to be so vulgar, Naruto-kun." The blond twisted around, forming a rasengan in his hand, at the sound of the voice. He didn't stop the technique from completely forming when his eyes landed on a smiling Kabuto.

"What are you do-" Naruto snapped his mouth shut while pushing his midsection backward. A chakra kunai, cradled in the woman's hand, came sailing where his stomach once was. As the blade nearly passed through him, the blond twisted his upper body to the side and sent his fist plowing downward toward Kabuto. A cursed left his lips when she pulled away with amazing speed, causing the spiraling technique to explode against the ground.

"You've improved, Naruto-kun. Orochimaru-sama will be pleased. Three years ago, you wouldn't have been able to do that." Naruto narrowed his eyes at the woman while shaking his hand clear of the debris brought forth by his rasengan. Even though she spoke with a compliment, her tone reeked of a condescending nature. He didn't return to Konoha to get talked down to.

Kabuto rolled her eyes when two clones appeared by Naruto's side and placed their hands over his outstretched palm. It was obvious to her that the boy was attempting to make yet another rasengan. She couldn't help but be disappointed by the decision. After three years under her master's former teammate, she had hoped that the boy would've gotten some new tricks.

Her disappointment was wiped away when a mild breeze slammed against her cheek, throwing her white hair across her face. She refocused her attention onto Naruto, specifically his palm, where she could see a rasengan had formed. Though, this one was not like the ones she had seen the boy or his sensei form. From her eyes, she could tell that the thing was much larger than its other variants and four blades of growing wind chakra protruded from its body.

"That looks dangerous." Kabuto thought to herself while the wind blowing around her grew stronger. She made the wise decision that she did not want to get hit by that and moved to stop it. She began to run toward him but was stopped when a monstrous gust of wind lifted her off her feet. Her eyes widened as the wind kept her in the air for several moments. Her eyes met with Naruto's and she saw the boy was now smiling while he held the swirling ball of wind and chakra high above his head.

"Try this out!" Naruto screamed before throwing his arm forward, sending the attack blasting away from his palm. The blond was blown backward by the attack as it cut through the air toward the still airborne Kabuto. At the sight of the rasengan's speed, the woman's eyes widened. She had only enough time to prepare her Yin healing before the rasengan reached her. She slammed her eyes shut, gritting her teeth together while the sharp wind of the technique cut into her skin. The pain intensified for a brief moment before dying away completely, leaving the girl a little perplexed. The confusion reached its peak when the air holding her up died away as well, dropping her back onto the ground. Her eyes shot open before she scampered back up to her feet. Her eyes shot over toward Naruto, immediately spotting the bashful look on his face.

"Did ... Did you miss?" She questioned. That was the only plausible solution to her managing to avoid an attack like that at such a close range. That thing had managed to lift her off of her feet. There was no way she shouldn't have been hit by it unless the blond managed to miss her by a mile.

"You see…" The blond trailed off into a chuckle while scratching at the back of his neck. "I'm still trying to work out some of the kinks."

"You can manipulate chakra to that extent but you can't manage to throw the thing straight." She was in complete disbelief at the boy. That technique looked like it had the potential to kill and at the moment, it was a complete waste because he couldn't throw straight.

How ridiculous was that?

The blond opened his mouth to respond. His response never came as a torrent of wind pushed him and Kabuto off of their feet. A moment later, a shockwave flew overhead, stripping some of the surrounding trees of their leaves. Naruto and Kabuto shared a brief look from their positions on their ground before climbing back up to their feet in tandem.

"What was that?" They questioned at the same time while looking back at the three battling sannin. Both of their eyes widened when they saw the tattered remains of a massive snakeskin fluttering down to the earth.

"What just happened?"

* * *

"The years have been catching up to you two. It's a shame." Tsunade and Jiraiya shared a brief look with one another at their former teammate's words. With that look, an agreement was made. Their bet be damned, Orochimaru would not be walking out of this village alive.

No one called them old and got away with it.

"Bunta, cover the ground with oil." The toad followed its master command without question, it's cheeks puffing outward for a brief moment before a deluge of thick, oily liquid came spilling forth from its mouth. Manda slithered back from the expanding pool of oil while Tsunade prepared her own attack.

"Cover them with acid!" The giant slug raised its head high into the air while the opening of its mouth spread apart. Moments later, a mist of yellow liquid shot into the air. The spray arched high over the black puddle before beginning to make its descent down toward the trapped Manda.

"Dive!" Orochimaru screeched from on top of the beast's head. The snake hesitated for a brief moment before slamming its snout into the ground. The earth broke apart from the blow, creating a miniature creating. Manda continued burrowing its nose into the ground, enlarging the gap with each until its whole body was able to fit inside of the whole. The tip of its tail disappeared down the crater just as the spray of acid reached its position.

"Jiraiya, I swear if she gets awa-"

"Calm down. I got this!" The woman yelled over to her partner before giving the head of her summon a hard slap. With a loud yell, Gamabunta propelled himself high into the air. The massive toad managed to clear the puddle of oil it created before slamming back down on the ground. It's landing managed bring it right in front of the whole Orochimaru and Manda had disappeared into moments ago.

"Fill her up!" Gamabunta didn't need any command past that before he began to spew more of his oil down into the hole. The torrent of black liquid continued for a full minute before the toad closed his mouth at the feel of another slap from Jiraiya.

"My turn." The woman muttered to herself before slamming her hands together. She sucked in a deep breath, her upper body bending backward with the action. She held the position for a brief moment before releasing a massive stream of fire from her mouth down toward the nearly overflowing hole. As soon as the flame met oil, the hole erupted in a brilliant blaze of light and fire. Jiraiya watched the flame burn with a bright smile on her face while her teammate and her summon shuffled over to her position.

"You think that killed her?" Jiraiya looked back at her teammate with an incredulous look plastered across her face.

"We both know that barely tickled that bitch. Let's just hope she decided to leave." The two shared a sigh. No matter how much they wanted to believe it, they knew that their former teammate was nowhere close to being finished with her antics. If anything, this was only the beginning of their troubles.

Their thoughts were proven true when the ground beneath them began to shake. Their summons stumbled underneath the uneven earth while Jiraiya and Tsunade shared another look. The same thought ran through their mind at the exact moment as they opened their mouth to yell.

"Move out of the way!" They both screamed to their summons. Unfortunately for their summons, their warning came a little too late. Before either of the animals could move away, the ground beneath them exploded outward as thousands of snakes spilled forth from the earth. Their presence filled with the air was a cacophony of hissing while the poured out onto the ground. They quickly surged toward the massive summons while the head of their leader peeked out from the hole.

"Not so clever, are we?" The former sannin laughed to herself while she watched the snakes crawl toward their target. Her ten thousand snake technique was something her teammates never dealt with. She was interested to see how they would overcome one of her finest attacks.

A soft buzz in the air reached her ears but she didn't pay it much attention. She was too focused on watching her teammates. Even when a strong gust struck her face, nearly throwing her off the ascending head of her summon, she didn't switch over her focus. This decision would come to bite her in the ass when small cuts began to appear on the edge of her skin.

"What in the…" The woman trailed off while staring at her now bleeding skin. The cuts began to grow in number and intensity, forcing the ninja to finally look away from her teammates. The look came a little too late as she was only able to gain a glimpse of something bright and blue before her vision was overcome by a bright light.

One moment, the sannin duo were stood atop of their respective summons, preparing to fend off the horde of snakes. In the next, a bright flash of light blinded them while a gale of wind swept them off of the summons. They heard two loud pops as they were carried through the air. Their flight ended with them amongst the tops of several trees. The branches of said tree managed to hold their weight for the briefest of moments before they disappeared into the leaves, descending toward the ground in a cacophony of curses, breaking branches and rustling leaves. They made their reappearance when they shot out of the bottom of the canopy of leaves onto the ground. They looked more than a little bit disheveled with scratches and bruises covering their skin and leaves sticking out from their hair.

"What just happened?" Tsunade asked while looking over to her teammate. Jiraiya offered her a shrug while pulling a branch out from her hair. She looked over to where they had just been fighting Orochimaru and saw that a massive crater was now in place. Her eyes narrowed at the sight of the crater before she looked over to where she last saw her student. The answer to her question became quite clear to her when she spotted the boy with his nearly destroyed hand stretched out toward a stunned Kabuto.

"Did you miss?" Jiraiya yelled over to her apprentice while scrambling up to her feet. There were very few things she knew her student had access to that would cause such destruction. One of those things she had helped him developed before making him promise to never use it against an opponent in fear of what it may do to them. The other she had warned him to use it only in the most desperate of situations due to how much of a shoddy shot he was with it and missing the attack would make him look like an idiot.

With that dumb grin on his face, he certainly looked like an idiot.

"I still need a bit of practice, sensei!" The blond yelled back, causing the woman to sigh.

"How I find you attractive, I do not know." She mumbled to herself while shaking her head. Her attraction was a mystery that she was sure that she would never learn of its roots.

She would sure as hell try, though.

Her train of thought was broken when the ground beneath Naruto blasted apart before a large white snake shot up into the air. In an instant, the snake wrapped itself several times around the blond before falling to the ground, bringing the with him. Jiraiya and Tsunade eyes shot open when the snake then proceeded to slither back into the hole, carrying a kicking and cursing Naruto with it. The sound of the boy's cursing faded away with each passing moment until it was completely silent, leaving Tsunade and Jiraiya staring at Kabuto.

"Ah…" She verbalize while staring at the two sannin. Her eyes cut down toward the hole her master undoubtedly created before returning to the two older women. A slight amount of sweat began to build upon her brow as the tension of the situation settled on her shoulders.

"I have to go." She rushed out before disappearing in a flurry of leaves and smoke, leaving the two sannin alone. They stood staring at the spot the young medic-nin once occupied before sharing a look once again. That look conveyed a single message between the two.

Orochimaru was going to die. They would make sure of that…

After they made sure Naruto was safe, of course.

* * *

 _ **AN: Well, this story is conditioning. First, let's lay out some ground rules. This will be a humor/action story. Do not take this story seriously. To put it in words, this will be the comedic cousin to Perfection. Certain elements of this story will seem ridiculous, and they're most likely meant to be that way. Simply enjoy it for what it is. Second, updates will be around this length if not a bit longer. Third, I will attempt to update as much as possible.**_

 _ **I hope you all enjoyed the chapter. Review or PM me with any questions, comments, concerns, etc. Have a good rest of the day!**_

 _ **P.S I know he learns the**_ rasenshuriken _ **later. I simply pushed the lesson forward.**_


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